For as long as I can remember I have always wanted to teach about God. This started when my mom used to read me bedtime Bible stories, as I snuggled under her. She was so soft and warm, with a floral perfume scent gently caressing my nose.
Even though it’s been some time, I can clearly remember me wanting to do what’s right and stay away from what I knew to be ‘bad’. From early on I held a sense of right from wrong. But as life continued forward rights became wrongs and wrongs became alright. So as long as I had a reason another can relate with. This eventually led me to take what others thought about me as law. I had to be ‘perfect’ in their eyes. Or at least as perfect as humanly possible,
I relied on others to feel good about myself. Their input dictated my thinking process, emotional stability and actions willed. All activities of the soul body. Activities creating my human experience. So much so, I feared going into ministry.
If there was anyone in the Bible I related to when called into ministry was my boy Jonah. I, too, ignored what I knew I should be doing and decided to do my own thing. I can’t say for sure what Jonah was thinking exactly but what I do know is are actions he took and their consequences. Rejecting God’s direction I found myself in the belly of my own whale. A haven God prepared for my safety and security. Where I could direct all my attention and focus on God and God’s Words.
I ran because I had doubts — Ok…I had PLENTY of doubts. I doubted my ability. I questioned if God did in fact beckon me. I doubted if I could draw in a congregation (especially since I didn’t have a building available). I doubted every and anything there was to doubt. Even God’s ability to pull it off. Yup…sure did.
I had rather gone in a direction more familiar. I relished in my comfort zone. But God wasn’t having it. Everything I thought of doing my way would develop a detour that led me right back to the place from which I ran. Ministering.
Recognizing there is a place for me to serve God’s will I became more trusting in God. Now I trust God for everything. Removing my own needs, wants and desires stemming from fear, I’ve been able to focus on hearing God’s direction and council. Placing my trust in no one else. Because with God’s ALL things are possible!
No longer do I hold unrealistic expectations as everything goes through a process for unfoldment. So the longer it takes, the more prepared I’ll be for the end results mentally, emotionally and spiritually.
I know without a shadow of a doubt I’ve not only been called but chosen as well. How can I be so sure? No matter what I do or which direction I turn, I keep finding myself on the shores of Nineveh. Given another chance to carry out my duties.
What my family and friends thought about my ministering no longer mattered. I didn’t need their support or belief in me. I had enough in myself for all of us. Besides, I find it easier to share my indiscretions with those who I don’t know personally. I don’t know, I guess there’s comfort in the absence of judgment and ridicule from someone held dear to the heart. It allows for transparency and openness during a testimony.
If truth be told, knowing they were following my works would restrain and constrict me from allowing God to use me fully. I am now free to serve!