**Sensitive material below**
If you’re still here allow me to welcome you into my ‘world’. And in my world, you must be willing to get lost in it. Now don’t worry I’m in no way trying to steal your soul or have you believe anything. In fact, it’s the opposite. What I would really like is for you to join me for an experience. That’s it…an experience. But not just any ole experience but my experience.
And this experience came on June 27, 2015 during a spiritual awakening…
I remember that moment (not the day but the moment 😆) as if it were occurring right now. Well minus the electricity shooting through me. But I’ll get into that a bit later.
I can remember standing in front of my armoire contemplating about my own existence. I wanted to know where I was located. I know that may sound crazy but it’s not. I had just recently went through a traumatic experience that was devastating to all who were involved. Many lives were effected by a decision I made. One made out fear and selfishness — I got married. The fear came from my realizing I was getting older and death was closer then than it had been years prior. I knew my chances of going to heaven was slim but damn that didn’t mean it wasn’t possible. I’ve always been optimistic. Hope was never a stranger to me.
The older I became the more I had thoughts of going to hell for fornicating. It was from my understanding fornication is a guaranteed ticket to hell and I figured I made it that far, let me not push it. So I decided to marry the guy that asked me. He was gentle, kind, affectionate, silly, generous, respectful, playful, at times shy, willing and loving soul. Hell! Who wouldn’t marry him?
What I didn’t know was that he would end up being imprisoned for raping a minor. A minor who was visiting my home.
In a blink of an eye I went from returning home for my pocketbook so I could accompany a friend while she shopped for her wedding dress to watching the man I married literally morphed into a stranger before me as he was being hauled away in handcuffs and her parents appearing; surveilling the situation. Ironically, I hadn’t noticed them before then. As I turned to return back to my home, I noticed my neighbors looking on. Confusion, shame, anger, embarrassment, conflict, but worst of all guilt we’re all coursing through me.
Calling my boss and shamefully sharing what occurred over the weekend and given “As much time is needed”, I spent 3 months mourning the death of a husband whose shell still roamed the earth. I experienced sensations within, of which, I still know no name for. And believe me I searched. The closest I can come to verbalizing it is to say an abyss. It was like a dark emptiness filling me and at times suffocating. They only way I could achieve some type of reprieve was to bawl at the top of my lungs until I became either to exhausted to continue or felt better, which afterwards I would drink…and drink…and drink. I didn’t really talk to anyone because I didn’t feel like answering questions nor did I want to hear how life for them were. I had questions of my own that needed answering and no one but him could provide me answers. And he wasn’t around to answer them.
Then the day came, when I turned my attention to God and demanded answers. By then I was fed up with all of it. I was done with the happenings I wanted to know the reasons. I NEEDED to know the reason.
I began thinking, I’m not a bad person. Yea I can be an asshole but damn I’m not horrible. I don’t steal, I didn’t like lying (the job I had required me to lie). Like dang, I got married just so I wouldn’t fornicate for Pete’s sake! What’s the deal here?
Now I don’t remember all of the details following but I do recall wanting to know the difference between God and the Devil. By the time I was finished I realized I had God all wrong. I had traits assigned to Satan applied to God. At that point I recognized I didn’t ‘know’ God. Yes I knew about God (based on what I was told) I didn’t know him. And because of my ignorance I made decisions I would not have made had I knew today’s God then
Relearning God provided me a platform as the foundation for Source. And whenever I would find myself losing site, I reminded myself God is everything Satan is not and God wants for me what I want for myself. Because what I wanted for myself was purpose, understanding and healing so I can help others overcome what I know can be overcame. So I had no doubts of God’s approval.
After discovering I had God all wrong, I wanted to know what else I had wrong. I started with money. I wanted to know its history. I wanted to see how it was created. I binged watch anything that had to do with money for about a month and a half. That’s when I started with an interest in philosophy. Philosophy has always been a favorite subject of mine. I love thought provoking dialect. Philosophy led me to spirituality, quantum mechanics, metaphysics, to Jesus and eventually back to the Bible.
**Whilst there were topics in between, these are the most impactful. They are responsible for my empirical knowing that death is a myth; hell is misunderstood; Jesus is a concept; God is a process; life is eternal; the Bible is a manual for the soul’s human experience; all is well; and, I can never get it wrong.**
The evening of June 27, 2015 I was standing there silently asking myself if I had no feet would I still be me? Of course I answered yes. I asked the same of my legs, lower torso, arms, then the head. Upon realizing I was a thing behind and apart from the head, it came to me that I was the awareness of all the things I wasn’t.
When I began to fully process what I’ve just uncovered, an energy pool began to form at the sole of my feet. All of a sudden I could feel the energy coil upwards and the higher it went the faster it began to travel. Noticing this I began to become concern because my heart space was its next destination. And just like that — it rested. That’s when I heard a voice separate from my own but as loud as mine say, “Relax. Let the body do the work”. For some reason I wasn’t afraid any longer and began to focus on my breath.
Before I knew what was happening that same energy began vibrating at a rate of speed I never knew was possible to survive. It continued to coil upwards past my chest area, past my throat, in my head then shot upward through the crown of my head. Taking with it every belief, truth and knowing with it.
Suddenly I found myself expanding in every direction until fully merging with what can only be described as the universe. The part of the universe not yet occupied with matter. And within that realm of no-thing-ness was a peace unknown to man. An overwhelming peace I could never fully put into words. I wanted to stay there forever.
While in the spiritual realm , I also developed an empirical knowing that death is a myth; hell is misunderstood; the devil is a lie; Jesus is a concept; God is a process; life is eternal; the Bible is a manual for the soul’s human experience; all is well; and, I can never get it wrong.
When I returned back to this time/space reality I was never the same. The soul body had been reborn and I am the result of the process. The paradigm shift was so drastic I had to start from scratch. I questioned everything. Which in doing so I gained so much knowledge and insight my life has now become 🌈magically delicious and spiritually redefined.
That experience demonstrated to me a love I was unfamiliar with. Rightfully so. I had never been presented with a love such as God’s love prior to that moment. Every “love” I’ve ever knew had conditions, restrictions and limits. God’s love is nothing like that. God’s love isn’t spoken in the same manner or form as love by a human.
I discovered God’s Love in Its desire to experience Itself as Itself by Its expression of birthing me into existence. In other words, I have been chosen to be the physical expression of God’s experiencing Itself as such; and with the same properties, likeness and abilities as a co-creator.
We are free, sovereign energetic beings whose a direct extension of God. A God without expectations, judgement, requirements or demands.
The Bible makes reference to God’s love many times.
Ephesians 2:4 – 5 states, “But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ— by grace you have been saved.”
God made it possible that we would have a physical example to follow towards an exceptional life. An example that teaches every soul – being the cause and effect of every action, thought, emotions and conscious state through the stories of Jesus who later became Christ. Whether one believes in the validity of the accounts or not is not the case here. I’m speaking solely on the message within the context. And if understood correctly can serve as a marvelous tool.
By removing any anthropomorphic ideas held about God (jealousy, egotistic, needy, cruel, etc) you open yourself to receiving the experience of God. And what you will find at the very core is love. A love, when combined with an understanding of all God is not, will cause you to become limitless, fearless, courageous and understanding. Growing your patience and your raising your tolerance for the intolerant.
All I’m saying is, if given the opportunity, God’s love can work wonders in your life. I know it has and still is for me.