Journaling and Reflections — From Comfy Cozy to the Unknown

Uuuggghhh…reflecting sucks! The emotional turbulence that accompanies the reflection process is more than I would like to deal with, yet, avoidance is not an option for me if I desire better for myself.

Looking back at family members and friends I have attempted to assist in the past (at no cost) has been absolutely useless. In doing so I’ve been met with laziness, excuses and a dose of no fucks given. None given for themselves and sure as hell not one iota of a care for me (emotionally), my time put it and effort put forth because I believed in their greatness more than they did for themselves.

Honestly speaking at this point they can go along hurting til their heart is content. From what I’ve gathered they would rather sit idly by habitually bellyaching about situations and circumstances they can change but rather not. Instead they seek momentary contentment as opposed to full blown happiness.

Yea right! Easier said than done!

It’s difficult to see an individual hurting or struggling knowing I can help them and choose to make a conscious effort not to. To me it just seems mean somehow. But every time I extend myself to them I just keep finding myself wasting moments on individuals who aren’t worth it.

Wwwhhhoooaaahhh…

Something just happened there! Did I just say they (my beloved family and friends) weren’t worth it? What does this mean?

Ok wait…I need a moment. This has never happened this way before…the last sentence really threw me for a loop. Never once had I thought of anyone never not being worth it. But I can’t help it. I just can’t seem to muster up an ounce of respect for lazy or cowardly individuals, who demands of me what they are not willing to give themselves.

Real talk — — Miss me with that. FRFR

4 years ago I found my ass in the belly of hell and pulled myself out that bitch WITHOUT telling nobody shit, much more posting my pains and pangs on social media, with no desire to get out of it. I did what was necessary. I learned from those who either had or was currently doing something I desired to have in my IMMEDIATE experience. I never made excuses or blamed anyone. I just wanted to learn different because I knew there was something I was missing.

Ok. Now I know the what, my question is “why”? Why am I attracting this type of experience? What is it I’m unknowingly calling for?

After taking a moment to ponder it over the only conclusion I came to is that I have to become what I wasn’t being…a salesperson. I have to begin to, not only build my brand but I also have to start pushing it more.

In retrospect I’ll admit I’ve been complacent and lackadaisical. Truth be told, I myself had my priorities set on other things non beneficial to the growth of my business. Hey, what can I say? The Walking Dead, seasons 6 through 8, was no joke! And no commercials? Yea…I’m not gonna lie, I’d do it all over again. 🤣

Not to mention the many other excuses I came up with.

🤔 I guess I can see how easy it is to get caught up in momentary contentment because at that moment IT IS pure happiness. Even if for a moment. ❤️❤️

Now I understand.

I love when that happens!! 🤗

What I find comical though is that EVERYTHING I called whomever above applies to what I…eh hem…thought (tee hee) of myself. I gotta love the irony of life.

Ok now getting back to business…

Recognizing if I am not putting effort into me and my business, I will attract individuals who also won’t put in the effort into working with me and helping me grow my business.

Ok cool.

I know I’m going to have to move even further out of my comfort zone and I’m alright with that. Excited actually. I’m going to end up somewhere I couldn’t have never prepared myself for. But that won’t stop me from trying. 😂😂😂

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